First off, I wish to thank all my lovely blogpals who wished me well while I was away. There were quite a few beautiful souls who privately messaged me and wished me speedy recovery. I truly appreciate your concern.
I am not supposed to be blogging for an indefinite period of time. In fact, I have turned over my blogs to my cousin Ally who, thankfully, took the mighty responsibility of updating my three (3) other blogs. I feel grateful that she didn’t say “NO” outright.
However, I was downhearted when she couldn’t take the reigns here at Lainy’s Musings (LM) and over at The Fool on the Hill (TFotH). At first, she expressed that she feels intimidated writing articles for Lainy’s Musings.
Ally expressing her thoughts in taking over Lainy's Musings
What standard? Duh!
I still can vividly recall when I once invited her some years back to author this blog but she declined for the same reason. In desperation, I sought the assistance of my Cameroonian bloggie pal, Uncle Che, who proudly accepted my invite. That was before when Uncle Che was still single and we both can blog till we drop.
When Ally knew that LM and TFotH will remain dormant till she accepts the responsibility of taking over the blogs, she got desperate in suggesting Windy to co-author the blogs once more.
Ally suggesting that I ask Windy to take over at LM
I will be the happiest soul if ever Windy will again co-author my blogs. Sadly, he has long given up blogging for reasons only known to me apart from health being the issue. I miss those times when we used to cheer and egg each other on at the blogs. The hilarious moments shared with him being once the co-author of Lainy’s Musings was something I’ve truly missed. I still am hoping though that it won’t remain a thing of the past.
Meanwhile, I understand why Ally declined to add more blogs for her to work on. You see, she already got two personal blogs under her belt, and adding 5 more of my blogs would be like taking suicide.
So I have no other recourse but to continue writing here at Lainy’s Musings and over at The Fool on the Hill. Many times, I have been in quandary and have contemplated on whether To Blog or Not To Blog.
During my nth hiatus, everytime I take a quick peek here and see this blog die a natural death, I feel like dying inside, too. It’s heartbreaking to let go of something you have once loved doing. It’s not for monetary reasons. Be it known that most of my craps were not paid. It’s the sentimentalist person in me that just can’t afford to lose a baby. And to think Lainy’s Musings is about to celebrate its 4th blogoversary in three (3) months time!
Gone were the blogging heydays when I worked hard for my blog’s traffic to the point of compromising my health. I don’t think I will ever regain back the 38K traffic Lainy’s Musings’ once had. But again, that’s not the issue. It’s primarily for the joy of being able to express for passion and simply exercise what I love doing the most.
As I write this, I can feel the tears welling up my eyes. I know things will never be the same again. I don’t want to make any promises but I shall try my absolute best to fuel up some life in this blog the best way I know how.
I was in the process of coming up to speed with my return to blogging. As such, I have been here – hanging in despite my procrastination to update all my 7 blogs. The effort that I put in with this blogging come back is already a huge accomplishment for me.
You see, I decided to quit blogging sometime ago for health reasons. I have been in and out of the hospital seeing many a clinical assistant, during the pre and post election period. I only returned to once more exercise the passion that I have learned to embrace- blogging. But not at the expense of my own health.
This week, my biorhythm had not been at its best. I have been sick for days. It’s a terrible thing to feel home-bound when you’re sick. But no, I am not blogging from beyond the grave. Basically, I am alive
For two nights, I can’t gather enough strength to just even face the lappy. It is such an ordeal feeling sick like this. I have been feeling the body shivers but I had no other recourse but to still show up at work. Things got worse when I had to move out my stuff here in the old pad to the new one. I did not even find the energy to take some snaps for documentation, LOL!
Meanwhile, I better follow these simple steps so that I can recover quick:
Photo not mine
I ask for your understanding if I can’t visit you back, return all your comments and do crazy EC drops till I feel a lot better.
My mom is notoriously hard to shop for and this year her birthday was no exception. You would think it wouldn’t be too hard since she just moved into a new house but the problem is that whenever she wants something she just goes ahead and buys it so there’s nothing left for anyone else to get her! I had thought about getting her some new curtains for the den but when I went over there two weeks ago lo and behold she’d already found a set. That’s when it hit me: I had the best and most original idea ever and it was something my sister could go in on, too, which I knew would make her happy. We got my mom DirecTv Tivo for her new place and I think she’s really going to love it. She’s all about her favorite shows and I know she’s been itching to start watching BRAVO which she didn’t get before so I think in the long run this is going to be fun and useful for her!
I can’t believe it has been almost two weeks since my last visit here in my own blog! You may not believe it but I was prepared to see this blog die a natural death.
Honestly, it’s been tough down here. My normal schedule hasn’t been the usual I dare say. I once blogged asking forPrayers for My Aunt a couple of months back. She had a successful surgery and even made it to My Brother’s Wedding. She was confined at the hospital on June 17 for abdominal pain. She was discharged only on June 27.
You see, she was diagnosed to have cervical cancer stage 3. Seeing her grimace in terrible pain breaks our heart into pieces. She has no one but us- her sisters, nephews and nieces. She has no immediate family coz she is a spinster. Having someone in the family battling with cancer is hard.
She’s now in Davao City to undergo chemotherapy. The doctors did a lot of convincing before she finally decided to have it a go. We still aren’t sure if her physical condition can withstand the chemo radiation. But we are keeping our fingers crossed.
We could only pray for the miracle of God. We continue to pray that somehow she will be cured from this dreaded ailment and hopefully will live life normally by the grace of God.
Last year was both the best and the worse year for me as a blogger. I can’t keep up with the blogging mad rush given the demands at work having had to hurdle two elections in the country. Apart from that, I had to consider my health and had to forcibly make it my top priority.
At times, I feel I screwed up stuffs and I don’t have my priorities straight so I lack the time to read blogs much less write updates across my blogs. I failed to actively interact with my favorite blogpals. I felt like no one really wanted to hear what I wanted to say. I simply lost the inspiration to write.
Despite so many setbacks on the year that was, I still am here though the blogging passion, intensity and zest has somehow dwindled. The only thing that motivates me to write is the monetary perks that my blogs has to offer.
I had to reassess my goals and priorities. It has been three years since I embarked in this endeavor. I had never been this lame as a blogger. Sometimes, I think of myself as a desktop computer who’s infested with lots of viruses and had to be reformatted to start anew.
I wish it’s that easy in real life.
I ought to be more inspired with what the New Year has to offer. I ought to be more positive and simply start anew.
I am not perfect. There are people whom I had unintentionally hurt in the past. There were people too who were able to cause me so much pain and suffering. Healing may not come that easy but no matter how deep the wound is, only time is the best healer.
I don’t bear evil and grudges in my heart. The New Year is the perfect time to bury the hatchet and to simply just let bygones be bygones.
I pray that God will bestow in each one of us an all-forgiving heart so as we live each day of 2011 with happy hearts and peace of mind.
I was out-of-town for three days. Our Office had our Year-End Party at one of the resorts at the Island Garden City of Samal.
On the way to the island
The resort wasn’t a new place for me to visit as I had been there in September. It was worth the second visit though because it somehow helped me to be jovial because of the amenities. They have the infinity pool with the gigantic slide.
The beach
Infinity pool
Gigantic slide
The women in their two-piece swim wears were a sight to behold. It somehow distracted me from thinking a lot about things. The presence of some co-workers that are close to me simply stopped me for a while from worrying too much of what to come. Some of the games organized by my co-workers made me laugh my heart out!
Condom Blowing
Star did her best (but all for naught) Prize at stake: The most coveted Cellphone credits, LOL!
Beer drinking contest
Photoshoots at the resort kept us all preoccupied, LOL!
Taking a pose with the First Lady of the "Boss"
The ladies in their swim wears, LOL!
Group pose
The group at the beach
After a long, winding slide.
The beach bums
YOURS TRULY :-)
During our last night at the island, I so much wanted to go home because I was already feeling so sick. I felt like I was going to be down with flu. I wasn’t able to take part in the exchanging of presents and witness the remaining games because I was in my lonesome lying down in the room
We finally got home on Thursday night but got enraged when I learned that my PC died on me and my brothers didn’t do anything to have it fixed before my return. I was so frustrated! Grrrrrr!
It’s the holiday season and yet I feel I am the only one blogging about my angst but I simply can’t help it.
Anyhow, I’d like to thank my blogging buddy Windy for dedicating the post From All Your Devoted Blogpalsto me. You are such a gem!
I’d also like to thank the following for leaving inspirational and encouraging comments at that particular post:
The darkest moment of my life isn’t over yet. Going through depression and trying to overcome it is something that one wouldn’t want to hurdle.
Today was another gloomy day. I was preparing for work when I suddenly burst into tears. I felt crazy! I cried and cried till I could cry no more. I have been like this for days. I was very desperate to talk to someone.
I thank my subordinate Star for being there. She was very patient listening to my sobs without even having a clear comprehension of what I was mumbling in between.
Her words of encouragement and support comforted me somehow. She did everything she could to stop me from weeping but I wept until my energy was all sapped very early in the morning.
This was the first time I broke the barrier between us. I have always seen her as my “Ate” alright but I am not the type of person who would frequently share my innermost thoughts and feelings to someone. I am used to keeping it inside of me or just writing them all down in private. That was before when the blogs wasn’t invented yet, LOL!
Star is a woman who has been through a lot in life. I admire her hugely for amidst all life’s difficulties and struggles, she was able to surpass it all. Her positive thoughts and words of wisdom are truly uplifting.
Thanks for being my STAR today when I felt like nobody is there to trust and lean on.
I have accomplished quite a lot over the weekend. It has been awhile since I did stuffs at home that’s why to me, it’s such a huge accomplishment. I want to keep myself busy to do away from those lonely and depressing thoughts.
Today is another day, the first day of the working week. It is another battle in this wicked and treacherous world. Though I did not get a full 8-hour sleep the night before, I was able to wake up at 4:45 am when the alarm sounded. My mother and I tidied up ourselves quick for the week-long devotional prayer at Church in preparation for the Year-End Thanksgiving.
I was able to write and submit all the opportunities waiting for me in the dashboard upon my return. The oops certainly always put a smile on my face. The Sheriff has been so generous the past couple of months. The online gigs are indeed a blessing and I have never forgotten to count them each time.
Writing has been a constant struggle since my return after such a long time of blogging hiatus. I seem to be groping but nevertheless I am slowly getting back into the groove of things. Experiencing life’s lowest lows seem to work up the head endlessly. I can never afford to be idle or else I’d go crazy.
I would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to some wonderful friends who made me feel I was never alone. The comments left in the previous article All Will Be Over Soon somehow lifted my spirits up. I truly appreciate you all. They are the following:
I am still in the same struggle and I just know that I will be for a while longer. It certainly takes time to heal. To endure some sort of betrayal from people whom you believe loves you truly is like death in slow motion. Things are especially difficult to handle when you try to fight off yourself. Like they say, our greatest enemy is our own selves.
Despite these setbacks in my life, I am still bound to be grateful. I may be in the darkest pit but I just gotta have some faith and believe once more that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel and that there’s a rainbow after the rain.
When one is terribly hurt and in pain, nothing seems to matter but the emotion that feels like a dagger to the heart. It’s a feeling that is engulfing and all too consuming. It feels as though you just want to shut yourself from the rest of the world. Sounds depressing, ain’t right?
Once in our life there will come a point where we will feel we are alone, unloved, and rejected. We feel it’s unfair to be feeling this way when all we did was give and love. We feel jilted and betrayed. For a moment, the world looks so gloomy and we just want the earth to open up and swallow us whole.
The trap that most people fall into is they tend to blame others for whatever has gone wrong and making demands upon them for a change. They tend to believe that their own happiness is dependent on others and if that person decides to change, they will feel okay and will stop feeling unhappy. But the truth is, the more we depend on another for any kind of validation, the greater are the chances of feeling let down. Self-empowerment is not attained and the person continually clings on to depression.
For some reason and in certain situations, we all go through different phases of being hurt. One thing important to realize is that it’s normal and OK to feel hurt. We FEEL it, we LIVE it. I am in that same phase at the moment. I feel like nobody understands. Nobody cares. I feel so alone in the world. I recognize and acknowledge the feeling. Though I am still groping in the dark on how to overcome it all, I am positive that one day, all will be over soon. Sometimes I try to mask a happier face, but the real me grieves inside. I let myself grieve the hurt. It feels good for a while.
To guide me from feeling blue and depressed, I tried to Google some tips on how to overcome feeling hurt and unhappy. This is not an overnight process but these things can be of huge help:
Keep walking with Him.
Acknowledge the hurt and despite it all, tell yourself that there is a future.
As much as it hurts and as insincere as it may seem, forgive the person who has hurt you. Shout it out: “I FORGIVE XXXX FOR HURTING ME!” You may not feel very forgiving but it’s okay. It may take a while and God will understand.
Remain positive and welcome some distractions like hanging out with friends. Even if they may sound insincere and hypocrite in saying “I understand your pain”, give them the benefit of the doubt
Learn to be brave.
Above all, forgive yourself. For whatever misgivings you have on yourself, stop the hurt by pleasing yourself this time and not seek for the approval of others.
Blogging used to be so simple in the past. It has been the daily blogging chores that I have always loved doing- writing, reading, commenting and dropping EntreCards like crazy, LOL! Now I can say it is a little different. I feel like a newbie groping for the exact words to write to fully express myself. I feel like time is not always on my side to be infront of the computer. Blogging has become less of a priority because of more pressing issues that need my attention like work and some other personal issues.
Indeed, there is more to life than blogging. However, because of the perks that blogging has to offer, I am here.
Ally who, thankfully, took the mighty responsibility of updating my three (3) other blogs. I feel grateful that she didn’t say “NO” outright.
General Santos Time
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