My G-Spot Clinic On Music Monday

First day business at my G-Spot Clinic was a memorable one.

Here’s an account of it with the first woman patient who graced the occasion…

First Woman Patient, Lainy : Oh doctor, I’m in trouble.
Dr. Windy: Well, goodness gracious me.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: For every time a certain man
Is standing next to me.
Dr. Windy: Mmm?
First Woman Patient, Lainy: A flush comes to my face
And my pulse begins to race,
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Dr. Windy: Oh!
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Dr. Windy: Well, goodness gracious me.

Dr. Windy: How often does this happen?
When did the trouble start?
You see, my stethoscope is bobbing
To the throbbing of your heart.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: What kind of man is he
To create this allergy?
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Dr. Windy: Oh!
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Dr. Windy: Well, goodness gracious me.

Dr. Windy: From New Delhi to Darjeeling
I have done my share of healing,
And I’ve never yet been beaten or outboxed,
I remember that with one jab
Of my needle in the Punjab
How I cleared up beriberi
And the dreaded dysentery,
But your complaint has got me really foxed.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Oh.

First Woman Patient, Lainy: Oh doctor, touch my fingers.
Dr. Windy: Well, goodness gracious me.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: You may be very clever
But however, can’t you see,
My heart beats much too much
At a certain tender touch,
It goes boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
Dr. Windy: I like it!
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Dr. Windy: Well, goodness gracious me.

Dr. Windy: Can I see your tongue?
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Aaah.
Dr. Windy: Nothing the matter with it, put it away please.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Maybe it’s my back.
Dr. Windy: Maybe it is.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Shall I lie down?
Dr. Windy: Yes.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Ahhh…

Dr. Windy: My initial diagnosis
Rules out measles and thrombosis,
Sleeping sickness and, as far as I can tell,
Influenza, inflammation,
Whooping cough and night starvation,
And you’ll be so glad to hear
That both your eyeballs are so clear
That I can positively swear that you are well,
Ja-ja, ja-ja-ja-ja.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Put two and two together
Dr. Windy: Four,
First Woman Patient, Lainy: If you have eyes to see,
The face that makes my pulses race
Is right in front of me.
Dr. Windy: Oh,
First Woman Patient, Lainy: there is nothing I can do
For my heart is jumping too.
Both: Oh, we go boom boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom
Boody-boom boody-boom boody-boom-boom-boom,
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Goodness gracious,
Dr. Windy: How audacious!
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Goodness gracious,
Dr. Windy: How flirtatious!
First Woman Patient, Lainy: Goodness gracious,
Dr. Windy: It is me.
First Woman Patient, Lainy: It is you?
Dr. Windy: Ah, I’m sorry, it is us.
Both: Ahhh!

(Lyrics adaptation from Peter Sellers’ and Sophia Loren’s “Goodness Gracious Me)

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