The PROS and CONdomS in the Philippines

As part of the political race to the Presidency, the latest gimmick is the distribution of free CONDOM-iniums to the populace. Errr… if that were to be true.

But, truth be told, those cheapskate politicians would rather keep the iniums and just hand out CONDOM for free.

So, it is, that the lowly CONDOM has gained so much importance to the Presidential run-up that it even became a Forum Topic recently to be discussed amongst the Presidential candidates. It’s H E R E.

Mind you readers, the Philippines must have a President or in this case Presidential candidates who first know and understand about CONDOMS before national security, the Economy and other matters of Sovereign concern.

It most certainly makes sense, doesn’t it? Life begins with a *!#^ and what becomes immediately of it thereafter depends on just how good was the *!#^.

So here, to underscore its importance, is what happened to our Indian brothers and sisters in another similar circumstance. Let me relate to you what happened there.

The family planning unit went to this village to address the rise in childbirths. They returned saying that the problem was that the villagers were too poor to buy contraceptives so the Indian Government decided to hand out condoms for free which they did.

After one year, the family planning unit took another assessment and to their horror they found that the free condoms did not help to reduce the number of childbirths. They sent out another contingent to check out why and when the contingent went from house to house at night to do their survey, they found out that the parents handed the condoms to their children to blow into balloons (which took a long time, knowing what condoms are) and they retired into their bedrooms happily humping away….(they had lots of time while the balloons were condomised till the children jaws ached)

WITHOUT THE CONDOMS!

However, I have yet saved the best for last. Read on about someone I know as he related his puberty experience about how the birds and the bees and the village girls do it.

My mother was a nurse with the family planning unit here in my country. I was at that time, a teenager. Sometimes I would visit my Mom at her clinic where she worked.

I would find young girls ages 11 to 15 coming in pregnant and seeking medical advice. Others would come for birth control pills.

And I was stunned!

My mom told me its normal in villages for girls barely with pubic hair to be sexed. Without hesitation, I told my Mom that I want to live forever in a village – so would Tiger Woods too.

She gave me a cold stare

I was made to understand that the Philippine Department of Tourism has begun printing Excursion Catalogs for tourists arriving in my country. Each Tour Catalog contains a FREE Condom. And you may choose the kind that suits your taste. They have fruit flavored condoms, colored condoms and for those who are slow in getting hot, you might be lucky if you get a battery operated VIBRATING CONDOM.

MABUHAY TO CONDOM COUNTRY!

K A R E N